Think before you speak

I was sitting in the pub the other day nursing a drink and watching the world go by. I was nice and relaxed as the people outside in the cold and wet scurried past the window.

It had been raining for days and work had been getting to me recently. I decided to take a couple of days and recharge the batteries. That was why I found myself in a pub, early afternoon, killing time until I met my date later on. I was a little nervous hence the early drink, I was not planning on having more than one so thought why not?. I was gazing out the window. Running through all the funny and witty things I should say and do to impress her. I saw the biggest stretch limo I have ever seen. The windows were tinted black and try as I might I could not see who was inside.

My imagination was running wild as I considered the possibilities. I could hear music coming from within and decided it must be a 'stag do' or 'hen do'. When the door finally opened my first thought was 'stag'. A really short guy got out the car and he was dressed as a hobbit. He looked just like they did in the lord of the rings film. More than that, he looked really familiar. He reached into the car and pulled out a life size Barbie doll in a bikini. With his arm around her strolled into the pub. I looked back to the car but there was no sign of movement and I pulled my attention back inside the bar.

He looked so strange standing at the bar, the doll was probably about 6ft in the heels she had on. I would not have put him at more than 5ft and that was being generous. He ordered a drink for himself and a coke for the lady before finding a booth. Setting her limbs in place he hopped himself up onto the chair beside her. His legs dangled over the edge and for the first time I noticed he had no shoes on. He had what appeared to be soft downy hair on the tops of his feet.

I was so impressed with his attention to detail that I decided I would go over and compliment him on his outfit. He was obviously on his way to a fancy dress party. I could not get the relevance of the bikini clad doll but hoped he would explain it to me. I picked up my drink and walked over to his table.

He looked up at my approach and I smiled in greeting. I explained how impressed I was with his outfit. He looked a little puzzled at first but then seemed to get what I meant, letting out a real belly laugh.

I was quite befuddled at this point. Between gasping for air and laughing harder he gestured to the seat opposite. I sat down, it took him a little while but he finally got himself under control. Taking a deep breath he told me his name was Ian. He had just won £70 million on the euromillions. I told him that this was fantastic news.

Ian told me to hang fire and hear him out, there was a lesson to be learned about not rushing in. He then proceeded to tell me the most fantastical story I have ever heard.

He once had been a regular guy around my height, but painfully shy. Ian had found a lamp in a charity shop and had polished it up. Suddenly a genie had appeared. Ian had been granted three wishes and that was when his life had changed. His first wish was to become incredibly rich and that was why he had won the lottery. Ian now had more money than he could ever spend. It was in the heat of this moment. When Ian was so excited that he had blurted out his second and third wishes.

Ian looked at me to make sure he had my full attention and then continued. He had told the genie, he wanted to look like Elijah Wood from lord of the rings and date a girl like Barbie.

50 Shades of Truth

He looked across the table at her, she had really made a huge effort for their anniversary. Wearing the little black dress he liked and her hair up in his favourite style, she looked lovely. He spooned another mouthful of pudding into his mouth and murmured appreciatively, he was absolutely stuffed but if she had gone to this effort the least he could do was finish this second helping. Manfully he persevered and picking up the plate licked it clean, wiping his arm across his face to clear away the cream, he looked into her eyes and smiled his thanks. 

She made to tidy up and he immediately said stop, hope blossomed in her eyes all too briefly as he said "it's okay you can do it in the morning". He undid the top button of his trousers freeing his belly and let out a satisfied sigh. He reached across the table and hope once more blossomed, again it faded, as he extended his finger and asked her to pull it. She let her hand fall back to the table as he let rip and started laughing hysterically. 

Standing, he stretched his arms over his head, his belly no longer held back by the button, pushed out over his trousers as he yawned. He took her hand and said "how about it?" before he went upstairs. She was still hopeful as she went into the bathroom and stripped down to the new underwear she had bought for tonight.

Soon she was ready and went to wait for him in the bedroom. He walked into the room, let out a whistle and slapped her arse, before laying her down on the bed. A couple of minutes later he rolled off her and said "wow that was great" before falling asleep. 

As his snores disturbed the peace of the night, his sleep arrhythmia caused his breathing to momentarily stop, hope lit in her eyes....

Poem: No place like it..

It is not always tidy,
It is not always clean.
It sees the worst of you,
But its never mean.

It will offer you refuge,
A place to sleep.
It will provide you comfort,
when you need to weep.

It will fill with laughter,
Be a place to have fun.
It will keep your memories,
All those days in the sun.

It gives a sense of security,
Wherever you may roam.
It will always be there,
There is no place like home.

Poem

Forbidden passion burning so bright,
Limbs entwined all through the night.
Exploring touch, ready now? not quite,
Pleasure builds, simple touch to ignite.
The climax of the act, a blazing light,
Still now, unclothed a wonderful sight,
A fledgling feeling born to take flight.

The Night Group

Looking around the graveyard it was so quiet and peaceful, a balm on the soul. All of those carefully tended graves in tidy little rows that show how much the living miss the departed. The head stones standing to proud attention some weathered and old and some new recruits, each one with a story to tell a marker for the future to remind of the past. Turning around in a circle you cannot help but be overwhelmed by the history that surrounds you, just thinking about those countless lives, all of those stories, hopes and dreams. Had they been good or evil? cruel or kind? the romantic in all of us defaults to good and kind but in our hearts we know better. The night is cold now as the weather has turned recently and welcomed winter with open arms, breath mists the moment it is exhaled causing miniature clouds that hang in the air. There are clouds overhead and the forecast is snow but not one flake has yet descended from the heavens but if it did it would be a little piece of chaos in this regimented environment. There are candles that have been placed around supplying light but very little heat. Flames dancing in the breeze fighting to hold off the darkness as the shadows flicker and attack in opposition. The group is huddled together partly for warmth but mostly for the security of having someone near, there is hushed conversation as if they might disturb the peaceful slumber beneath their feet. Every now and then there is a nervous laugh as a joke is told or someone makes a funny comment. Halloween is the best time to conduct a seance and where better than a cemetery to try and talk to the dead, looking at the group you can spot the cynics, the hopeful dreamers and the thrill seekers. The event has been organised by a new company that specialises in more unusual ideas and this event is the maiden voyage. Standing off to one side all alone is the company's representative, he is dressed smartly and wearing a long coat pulled tight about him but he does not really seem to be affected by the cold, no one goes over to talk to him and he makes no attempt to mingle. There is something strange like an itch that cannot be scratched, tantalisingly close but just out of reach and the more you grasp for it the more it slips away. He is so still standing there that it is like he is carved from granite and embedded in the ground, if you get close enough you might expect to see your name carved above a date on him. A powerful flash light is switched on cutting through the night and lifted high up the side of the church coming to rest against the face of the clock, only ten minutes till midnight and the witching hour. The torch is switched off and a silence descends in the renewed darkness, suddenly the candles seem dim and the crowd draw even closer together. Surely there is safety in numbers. Conversations start up again and people trying to find anything to do to take their mind off their fears stamp their feet and blow on cold hands to warm them. The temperature seems to be falling faster now and the breath condensing in the air becomes more pronounced . Somebody finally suggests they start as it is getting late, they feel uneasy and the representative is not helping at all, in fact he still has not moved. A sense of foreboding and doom settles on them and they put it down to nerves and the location but a few know it is due to the man standing statue still watching them. One of them looking at him finally realises what it is that has been bothering them, the representative is not breathing out plumes of vapour as his warm breath hits the cold air, there is no sign at all of breathing. Such a strange thing and when they go to point it out the representative turns ever so slightly and makes eye contact. The gaze makes it impossible to look away or speak as the realisation hits home, I am looking at death...

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Popcorn Future

Billy was waiting outside the old picture house ready for his date with Sharon, he was still amazed that she had agreed to come out with him and found himself blushing again. He had put a lot of thought into what to do and had decided a retro date to the cinema was the best option. It had been years since the cinema had existed in this format as people much preferred the Holo-plexes now where each experience was tailored to you. Stood outside bathed in the neon lights that covered the building he looked again at the movies on offer, there was a choice of two and he hoped that the one he had decided on was okay, it was about an insomniac who lived in what used to be called Seattle. They called it a romantic comedy but he could not think what would be funny about a tired man. The other choice was about a confused girl who could not decide if she liked men, women or both and was called 'Ambidextrous Bush' but it looked a little racy and he thought to himself that he was blushing too much as it was. He glanced back down the street and there she was huddled against the draft caused by her taxi taking off again for its next fare. She looked stunning and his heart started to beat faster and his mouth went dry, what if she hated the date and he could not think of anything to say? what if she didn't laugh at his jokes, what if she did not feel the same? All these thoughts and more raced through his mind and the she saw him and smiled. That smile just lit up his world and reaffirmed for him that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or was likely to see. She hurried over to him and they exchanged pleasantries and she seemed genuinely pleased with his choice of date as she had often wondered what they did for entertainment in the old days. Stepping up to the ticket booth he put his thumb on the scanner to pay for the tickets and they waited while they were printed to the back of their hands. Tickets in place they stepped through the doors and back in time, standing in the foyer they were both speechless and as they looked up and all around. Billy reached out his left hand without thinking and was pleasantly surprised to feel Sharon s fingers slip between his. They went over to the food counter and both agreed they could not eat cooked dogs and so went for some popcorn which was apparently a great favourite and good for sharing. Carrying the popcorn in a paper bag they went into the screen room and looked at the rows of seats, his research had told him that the back row was where he should go but it was so far from the screen it seemed to make no sense. By mutual consent they decided on the middle and still holding hands made their way to the seats, they had a laugh as they tried to get the seat to stay down rather than springing back up and finally they were seated. Billy put the popcorn between them and let Sharon try it first, she seemed a little unsure at first but went back for more so he tried a piece too. The sweet taste was a pleasant surprise, the texture unusual and they soon made short work of the whole bag. The lights dimmed and music seemed to boom all around them as images appeared on the white wall in front of them, the film started and they both settled down to watch. As the movie progressed Billy found himself thinking about the feel of Sharon s hand in his and her smile and delight at the theatre. He placed his arm on the rest between the chairs with his palm up and was rewarded when Sharon placed her hand once more on his. He stole a glance at her as she watched the film, the light from the film just enough to highlight her beautiful features. Billy found it was difficult to pull his attention back film which was better than the title had suggested. The date was nearly over and they were standing outside the picture house talking about the film whilst they waited for their taxis. Sharon s taxi arrived first so they had to say good bye and suddenly very shy they stood facing each other, he nervously went to kiss her cheek but turning her head their lips met instead. He was over the moon as he waited for his taxi and looked forward to a second date.

Find the Rainbow

Slamming the car into reverse he tramped the accelerator, tyres squealed on the tarmac floor and finally bit down enough to propel the car backwards. There was not time to be fancy as he could feel the toxin working on his body and he had to get out of here and fast. He felt the car tilt as he hit the exit ramp and pushed the accelerator to the floor, there was a load crash as he broke through the barrier and was on the street. Spinning the wheel he changed gear and was off heading towards the Rainbow, only it was not a pot of gold he was after. Checking his rear view mirror he saw them exit the ramp and turn after him, he pushed harder on the accelerator and felt the car jump to his command. Weaving in and out of the traffic he was able to open up a little space between them buying him precious time a commodity he was desperately in need of. His thinking was being dulled and he had to concentrate harder and harder to stay on the road, he had to lose his tail and fast so he could make it to the drop off point and get the antidote. He checked the passenger seat and saw the block of cheese was still there, he was not stupid enough to believe this was just a block of cheese although the smell it was giving off made his eyes water. Stealing it had not been easy especially with the poison starting to do its work but he had got in and out pretty clean if not for tripping the silent alarm on his way out. His muscles went into spasm as pain wracked his body, his vision swam and he nearly lost control, he had to hold on just a little longer. He took the next corner hard taking him down a one way street the wrong way, the sight of the bright headlights coming towards him coupled with the angry sound of car horns was disorientating but he new this road and a turning hard right into an alleyway between two buildings. The walls whipped by only inches away on both sides and then without slowing he was across another lane of oncoming traffic, hitting the breaks and spinning the wheel saw him once more going with the flow of traffic and in his mirrors the carnage he had caused as cars had tried to avoid him. There was no way they were going to follow and catch him through that, he accelerated again cutting through the traffic. His symptoms getting steadily worse as his vision blurred and doubled and a cough rattled from deep in his lungs, moving his hand from his mouth he thought he saw blood but put it from his mind. There in the distance but getting rapidly closer was the Rainbow a nightclub come bar that generally catered for the more criminal element of the city, the only cops that went there were on the take. He pushed the pedal to the floor and coaxed as much speed as this car had left to offer, he closed the remaining distance in seconds he was probably going to fast but desperation was his buddy now and hit slammed the breaks on as he cut across the traffic once more spinning the car and feeling it start to tilt over. He wrenched the wheel back across barely controlling it and slammed into the space. As the car stopped he was thrown forward, hitting the steering wheel hard with his chest bringing on another bout of rattling coughing. He rummaged on the floor retrieving the block of cheese still miraculously in one piece, pushing the door open he staggered out onto the street. His vision swam and he was having real trouble focusing, he moved toward the door seeing it swing open. Strong arms caught him as his legs gave way, he was half dragged and carried inside. He felt the needle inserted in his arm and the last thing he heard before it all went black was "is there time? will he make it?"

Willy

She lay on the beach basking in the sun, the only sound was that of the waves breaking on the shore. A gentle breeze softly caressing her skin raising goosebumps along her arms. Turning her head she could see the cocktail glass with condensation beading along the side as the ice fought a losing battle against the heat. Reaching out she picked up the glass causing the ice to rattle against the side, raising the glass to her lips she took a long sip. She was tempted to drain the glass in one go but it was still early and she wanted to keep her wits about her, well at least for a little while anyway. As far as holidays went this one had started slow but oh boy was it picking up. She had a routine now and she would not deviate for all the tea in China. It was pure accident that she had found this spot, day two of the holiday had found her bored and fed up so she had put on her beach dress and flip flops and set out to explore the grounds of the hotel. Wandering along the path she had noticed a little turning off to the side and had followed it for the want of something better to do. It had led down to the beach she was now lounging on and what a beach it was, only a few loungers and a dedicated bar with waiters constantly roaming and offering top ups. It had cost extra but it was worth every penny for the peace it granted away from the children shouting out in their excitement as they played in and around the main pool. That was one reason she had signed up there and then, the other was the reason she had spent the last five days here drinking cocktails and reading her book. She put her glass down on the table and went back to her book, she noticed her deep tan on her arms as she picked it up smiling to herself. She had never been one for sunning herself, instead preferring to explore the local area and take in the sights in fact she was running out of reading material. The girls at work were going to be so jealous when she strode back into the shop and showed of her new colour. She started to read again but was too distracted to really concentrate on the words on the pages in front of her, it was nearly that time again and so she put the book back down and adjusted the lounger so she was sitting up. This was definately her favourite part of the day, the ice clinked in the glass as she picked it up for another long swallow, she held the glass partly to give her hands something to do and partly for the cooling affect it had on her. She looked out to the sea over the top of her glasses and waited, her nails drumming against the side of the glass as the tension and excitement built up. Finally the moment was here and she relaxed ready to enjoy the show and taking another sip of drink she could not help but smile. His head came up out of the water as he stood up in the shallow waves. His hands moved up and through his hair pushing it away from his face, revealing the movie star looks that set her pulse racing. His piercing blue eyes that put even the clear waters he stood in to shame. She watched as if in slow motion the water as it cascaded down over his powerful shoulders and deep chest, he was certainly no stranger to physical exercise and boy did she want him to be physical. The water fell lower over the hard ridges of his stomach and down lower over his swimming shorts. The shorts were blue today and the water had pulled them tight against his skin and she found herself leaning forward in the lounger as she had done every day since that fateful walk. Her eyes drawn to the outline of the massive reason she had nicknamed him Willy.

The Ringmaster

He felt the excitement rising as he moved through darkness between the wagons keeping the tall figure in the top hat insight. A few times he had lost the line of sight and felt rising panic but then the top hat had reappeared. He had enjoyed the show immensely, he could still picture the acrobats turning somersaults in their bright sequined outfits and the strongman lifting a platform holding three members of the audience above his head. He had never seen anyone that strong including his father who he had thought was the strongest man in the world. The dancing horses were a sheer delight and the elephant had seen his jaw drop to his chin, the clowns had him clutching his sides and he was sure he was going to fall off the chair as he watched on as pies flew and noses were honked. The atmosphere in the big top was intense as the trapeze artists flew high above his head without a safety net and the oohs and ahhs at times drowning out the drum roll. The real the star of the show was the imposing yet jolly figure of the Ring Master, in his black trousers and red jacket complete with top hat. He controlled the show with ease as he teased the the clowns giving all the kids in the a wink to let them in on the joke. He was the most famous Ring Master in the world and the face on all of the jars of 'Big Top' jam and it was him that had launched the competition 10 years ago for any child under 11 to enter. The prize was steeped in lore as no one knew exactly what it was only that it would be life changing, to win all you need to do was guess the secret ingredient but to this day no one had won and the competition. That was why he was here and why he was following the top hat through the darkness so he could find out the secret and change his life forever. He realised that the top hat was no longer in sight, he cursed himself for letting his mind wander and picked up his pace. He was panicking now, how could he have been so stupid this was going to be so easy and now he had blown it. He was about to give up and go back to find his parents when he heard a sound down between two of the wagons and decided to investigate. There was not much room to move and the darkness seemed to close in around him and the prize suddenly was not so important, turning round he bumped into the towering figure of the Ring Master and bouncing off him sat down with a bump. The Ring Master reached out for him shrouded in shadow and as he felt those hands grab him it all went dark. Light returned slowly, bleeding into the edges of his vision as he opened his eyes, he was lying on the floor with his hands tied in front and his ankles tied together. He could see a cauldron resting on flaming logs and above the cauldron a pulley system which had a series of ropes attached terminating in a hook that had been placed through the knots around his ankles. Suddenly he was pitched upside down as he was hoisted over the bubbling cauldron of strawberry Jam. The Ring Master was stood there calmly watching, how had he ever thought this man jolly? looking into those cold black eyes he felt the evil radiating out and flinched causing him to swing slowly. The Ring Master finally spoke only now his voice was soft and sibilant as he said "congratulations on becoming and finding the secret ingredient". He felt himself being lowered to the cauldron and as the heat began to overpower him along with the sickly sweet smell he thought to himself bitterly that the prize was truly life changing.